Amanda
Well, the end of another school year is upon us! I don’t know if it is in my head or the weeks have really just flown by. Since getting out for Spring Break and not returning back, I feel like the rest of the school year just flew! Zion for sure had moments of success and moments of stress and frustration. For him, participating in Zoom and Google meet calls is not easy because he isn’t the one that is front and center and ready to talk in front of his classmates. His teacher would tell me that she struggled to have him participate at times and I feel like it was happening more toward the end of the year. He would get on his meetings and just be ready to be done with them so he could start his work and basically have his school day be over with. Zion is very bright, so the work he was assigned was often way too easy for him. I think that was the biggest part of distance learning that I didn’t like. I don’t feel like he was challenged enough and that is by no fault of his teacher. She assigns work in the classroom for every student and I know from experience that it is much for difficult to differentiate work through virtual learning. I am just really hoping that he can go back to school in the fall and that he is prepared for 2nd grade.
As some may know we live in South Texas so the Spring and Summer months can often be filled with pretty severe thunderstorms. I personally hate them and as we recently found out so does Zion. We left my sister’s house one weekend and tried to beat the storm home. Well, it started as soon as we got into the car and Zion immediately had a massive panic attack. He started screaming, crying, and had shortness of breath because his anxiety just took over. I did my best to try and calm him down, but as a parent of a child with Autism, sometimes it just isn’t enough and I sat in the front seat trying to hold back tears because my son didn’t want me to touch him or comfort him. This is so hard for me and sometimes I don’t think my husband truly understands why I cry or why I get so sad. As a mom, you want to comfort your child, you want to protect them, and because of my son’s sensory issues I usually can’t do that. It breaks my heart because I feel helpless. People often think “oh he is high functioning you don’t face the same barriers and challenges as other parents” but in reality we have our own set of barriers and challenges.
Zion has Autism and he will always have Autism. No matter if he is high functioning or severe, we face obstacles daily and we celebrate every single success. You see, nobody really knows the path that we walk because they aren’t walking in our shoes. As a parent of a child with Autism, we are all so different but bonded by 1 commonality, we have a child with Autism. I sometimes feel alone in this journey because although I am part of FB groups and things of that nature, I don’t really feel like I have anyone that would understand what I go through with Zion. Our challenges seem so minor at times, and I feel like people would just roll their eyes at me. Any other Autism parents out there and feel this way? I can’t be alone in this right?
Thank you for reading.. for listening to me vent about Autism life. Honestly, I would not trade for anything in the world though because Zion has made me a better mother and person in general. See you next time!
